Grace!!! February 20, 2008

So after yesterday’s post about self-discipline, God totally rocked me!  This week I’ve been a bit overwhelmed with all that’s going on.  And in my attempt to get everything done, control it all, do the quality of job at everything, and still fufill everyone’s expectations of me, I ended up pushing God out of my focus – more on me, less on Him. This week I’ve dealt with my attempt through stress, tension, food, frustration, and emotional chaos.  Then God showed me some about His grace.

I haven’t even read the book yet but already know it is going to have quite an impact on me. Grace Rules by Steve McVey. The LC Host Team Coordinators are reading it, and I’ll definitely keep you updated on what God shows me as I read it.  So I joined the conference call this morning disappointed in myself because I hadn’t read all 2/3 of the book that I wanted to catch up with the group. Not to mention that I received to book on Monday. (What - You think I have unrealistic expectations for myself? hehe )  Once the discussion about the book began, God started working.  (By the way, my fellow HTCs are amazing!)

Now I haven’t really struggled with fully grasping His grace. (Of course maybe that is because I don’t fully understand it, but we’ll see.) What I know I struggle with is how I view myself in terms of grace. The mental scorecard I keep in my head of every time I screw up. The way I internalize compliments and think that from then on I must live up to them. The view of failure and perfection I can create that is completely invalid in His eyes. And my lack of fully grasping His grace for me. (Wait, did I just say I don’t struggle with that . . . )